Imagination Running Wild

There's something about kids imaginations that is just mesmorizing. I can sit back and just watch Kaylani play endlessly...and I have. In fact, I've found myself running out the door to work instead of walking leisurely out on time (like this morning) because I got caught up watching her play. And I would totally do it time and time again.

I don't even know why we buy toys for Kaylani (or bring home donated/hand-me-down toys from friends) since she's entertained by the simplest of things. This mornings "toy" was a cup. A simple, hard plastic cup that I got over 10 years ago from a friend at Microsoft (which is completely irrelevant except I think he might possibly be in the spy business now...like Chuck). One second she's pretending to drink normally out of the cup. Next she's holding it over her mouth (and nose) and talking into her new "micro/megaphone." The next its a sock on her bare feet (which she finds hilarious). And lastly its a camera that she can hold as close to her face as possible and say "smile cheese" to while "taking a picture." All that with a cup. And all that within 10, highly entertaining (for both of us), minutes.

Seeing Kaylani play like that just brings me back to a simpler time. A time where everything you touched turned into so much more. A cup was 4 different things, a blanket 5. A box? An uncountable number of things! Those were the easy times. Times when I didn't have to worry about deadlines, income, budgets, social obligations, or to remember to bring my 2 Blackberrys, iPad, and computer with me to NYC (while forgetting an umbrella on a rainy day).

Sometimes I wish I could go back to the easy times. But then I look at Kaylani play and I realize I'm actually in best time after all. And I'm pretty sure its only going to get better, and that's not hard to imagine at all.

Talk her down

See that picture up there? That's me. Early this morning. Very early. Was in Kaylani's room doing a late night visit trying to see what was going on. Here's what went down:

It was around 4am when we first heard her cries come through the monitor. As usual, we laid there listening for the first 5 minutes (which means Mommy was listening while I was still sleeping). After another 5 minutes of her crying while sitting with no slow down in sight, we took action. Its been awhile since we've had to go in Kaylani's room during the middle of the night (between 9mos and a year), so we were a little tentative on diverting from our usual "let her cry for 15 minutes to fall back asleep plan". But since we were at Yin Yin/Yea Yea's house, and she's been a little sicky, I went in. That's when the plan went from "check on her" to "talk her down".

After kneeling beside her and trying to calm her down for a minute (see picture above), we had the following conversation, which can also be found in any expert crisis negotiation handbook:

Me: Kaylani, are you okay?
Kaylani: *wahhhhh*
Me: Kaylani, why are you crying?
Kaylani: *wahhhhh*
Me: Kaylani, are you okay?
K: *wahhhh* yes *sniff sniff*
Me: Why are you crying?
K: *wahhhh*
Me: Are you tired?
K: Yes *sniff sniff*
Me: Do you want to lay down?
K: Yes *sniff sniff* (lays down while keeping her head up)
Me: Do you want Papa to sing for you?
K: Yes *sniff sniff* (head still up)
Me: Good night Kaylani well its time to sleep. Close your...
K: (lifts up a little) I want to wake up Mama
Me: No sweetie, Mama is sleeping
K: I want to wake up Yin Yin
Me: No sweetie, Yin Yin is sleeping
K: I want to wake up Yea Yea
Me; No sweetie, Yea Yea is sleeping. Do you want Papa to sing to you?
K: Yes (lays down a little again...head still up)
Me: Close your eyes don't make a peep. Rest your head and drift away. Tomorrow it will be time to play
K: I want to play with Yin Yin and Yea Yea
Me: You need to sleep Kaylani so you have energy to play tomorrow. Close your eyes and sleep. We'll play with Yin Yin and Yea Yea when you wake up tomorrow.
K: *wahhhhhh* Okay
Me: Put your head down and close your eyes
K: (puts head down) Okay
Me: Good night baby. I love you.
K: *wahhhh* *sniff sniff*
Me: (backing out of room) Good night Kaylani. Go to sleep. I love you!
K: *sniff sniff whine whine* zzzzzzzz

And that was that. Then I had to talk Mama back to sleep (and get her some crackers to hold over her hunger) before I could finally sleep myself. 2 hours later, we were up for the day. And so began another day in the life of "Papa: Expert Mid-Night Negotiator Extraordinaire!" Until next time...which hopefully will not be tonight.

An Attitude to Learn

There are pros and cons to finding a new job, both of which I've experienced over the past month as I transitioned from Johnson & Johnson to Catalent. The pros are things like not being unemployed, supporting my family, and moving up in my career, all of which are summed up by Kaylani as "Papa go to work to make money yes" (still not sure why she adds "Yes" to most statements, but that's besides the point). The cons are things like starting over, a longer commute, and most recently, finding a new daycare/school for Kaylani.

For the past 6 months, Kaylani was happily enrolled at Bright Horizons which was part of my campus at J&J. And despite my (and Kaylani's teachers) pleas, there was no way to keep her there once I left (legally). So off we went to explore new schools, and in doing so, learned a lot ourselves.

Most importantly for us was a school that would not just watch Kaylani, but also socialize and teach her something each day...at a reasonable cost and within a reasonable commute. The last parts excluded a portion of the area schools for now, so we were focusing on the socialization and the teaching bit for the most part. While I can't say our search was exhaustive, we checked out 4 new schools within 15 minutes of home, or as Kaylani says it: "Kaylani check out NEW school" (not sure why she emphasizes NEW, but she does).

Out of the 4 schools, it came down to 2 real choices. The other 2 were too depressing to even go into detail about. Whether it was a lack of color inside, or depressing teachers, or small spaces, they were just not an option within minutes of seeing the place. Thankfully the other 2 were both good enough to save Kaylani from spending 4 hours at a depressing center for 3 days a week.

Besides the bright, happy environment/people, we paid attention to the lessons that were going to be taught, and there was one thing that one of the Directors said to me that really stuck in my head. She said that they try and teach with "positive redirection" when toddler/twaddlers/preschoolers seemingly have a little bit of an attitude. Not only did the "positive redirection" thing sound catchy (and like the name of a team on Glee), it also stuck because the whole attitude thing is precisely what we go through every day with Kaylani. In short, "positive redirection" is saying "you can play if you finish your food" instead of "if you don't finish your food, you can't play." At least that's how I interpreted the one example we were given. And by interpreted, I mean wrote here word for word as it was explained to me.

Anyways, since she learned to talk, we hear "no" almost every other minute. As she got better, it became "no mama/papa" or "no I do it." And, it then grew into "no I don't like it" or "no I don't want that" or "no you take that spoonful of food and shove it up your..." (ok that last one hasn't happened...yet). Basically, she's become an independent, stubborn (at times) girl all before the age of 23 months...which is what I feared from her at age 2 or ideally 3 and beyond (read: wayyy beyond).

Kaylani starts school on October 4th, and we couldn't be happier because this "positive redirection" hasn't worked so much for us the first couple of times we've tried it. Our attempts at "Kaylani, you can play if you finish your dinner" are still met with "no I don't like it. I don't want it" and the plate/spoon/hand being pushed away as she simultaneously buries her head into her chest/arm and does a fake cry/whine. Plus, its much easier to say "Kaylani, butt on the chair now" then it is to say "Kaylani, you can stand on the chair if you finish your dinner...but even then you can't stand on the chair because its dangerous and you'll fall down."

Ok, so I probably don't really know how this whole "positive redirection" thing is actually supposed to be done, but I do know the school does. Hopefully they'll be teach all of us soon because right now, Papa no like it!

Imagine if...

You ever wonder what life would have been like if things were different? What could have been if you had just (insert regret here)? Or maybe you sit back and dream about what might be in the future? Lay there and imagine the infinite possibilities of what's to come? Well lately I've been doing both.

I haven't posted a single thing since 2009...which for those of you counting, is over 9 months ago. And before that, I logged a grand total of 39 posts between September to December, which is about 300 posts less than I did over the previous year. Pretty sad, and now looking back, I wonder what could have been. What would I have written on Kaylani's first day(s) of daycare? What about her first day at gym class, music class, or Sesame Place? The first wedding she attended? Her road trips to Boston, NYC, Philly, to the beach, or her trips to Puerto Rico and Beijing with her cousins? Or what about the first (and only) time she used the potty, or when she started talking in full sentences? Or when she started counting 1, 2, 3, 4, 6? Or maybe when she decided to change it to 1, 2, 3, 5, 6 instead?

All of these things and so much more happened in the last year and none of them were documented. Sure we've got pictures of all of these things, but after looking back at what this used to be, pictures just don't compare to a good old fashioned story telling blog.

So here we are, almost a year since my last "real" post. Kaylani is 6 weeks away from turning 2 years old, Daddy is 4 days away from starting a brand new job, and we're up to 4 people who have asked what happened to "The Daddy Diaries." I could give a million excuses on what went wrong (crazy job, lack of time, writers block, etc), but instead, I'll vow to pick things back up. I'm going back to the basics. Back to writing from the heart and about the things we're going through with Kaylani. Back to writing for Kaylani's sake, instead of for writings sake.

This blog was supposed to give us something to look back on and smile as we saw where we've come from and how we got to where we are. So that's what we're gonna do. You can just imagine what that's gonna be like.

Picture Summary

According to my Picasa account, it's been 6 weeks since I've posted new pictures. In that 6 weeks, we've gone to Disney, seen Kaylani start walking, watched Kaylani make a complete mess out of spaghetti, went to our first holiday party of the year, bought a Christmas tree, and even saw our first snowfall! And of course, we've done so much more than that too that I can't even remember.

What I do remember is that I just posted a bunch of pictures to Kaylani's album today, so check them all out (they're in 3 separate albums). I've included a summary of our last 6 weeks below, but there are still more to come from Disney so stay tuned!

Christmas "shopping"

I refuse to go shopping on the day after Thanksgiving, or "Black Friday" as they call it. It would probably be really beneficial to get everything done almost a month in advance of Christmas, but I just won't bring myself to do it. You'd think that sitting here now, 1 week before Christmas, with only 3 out of 30 presents bought, I'd reconsider or feel regret for not having gone on "Black Friday"...but I don't. Even if Christmas shopping has changed for me...forever.

A few years ago, I became an avid Amazon Christmas shopper. It was just easier. Amazon had most things I needed, and with free 2 day shipping on Prime, I was losing money by not shopping on Amazon. But no matter how easy Amazon made Christmas shopping, it just didn't feel like Christmas without a trip or three to the mall. Christmas was about walking around, looking at decorations, having coffee/hot cocoa, and walking out with a handful of shopping bags and feeling accomplished for getting everything you didn't/couldn't buy off of Amazon. That's what Christmas was.

Christmas shopping with a baby who has just learned to walk is nothing like Christmas shopping with a 6 week old in stroller or Christmas shopping without kids at all. It adds a whole new complexity to the existing mall/parking madness, sale crowds, and decision making. Now, we have to split up. One of us has to follow Kaylani around and pick her up every time she falls/sits on the disgusting public mall floors while the other tries to find something on our list. One of us has to entertain her and distract her so we can walk between stores with her in our arms instead of at a snails pace due to her tiny, newly walking legs. One of us has to give her snacks so she stays in lines with us instead of walking around and grabbing all types of things that she shouldn't be touching/breaking. And when that's all done, both of us need to rest.

We spent 3.5 hours at the mall last night and came out with 2 presents. 2. That's less than 1 an hour. And if you take out the hour we spent trying to feed Kaylani and eat dinner ourselves, its still less than 1 present an hour. Add in the fact that we left the mall around 8:30, or after Kaylani's bedtime/cranky period and you get 2 exhausted parents.

So this is Christmas shopping for the foreseeable future for us. Today Mommy will try and tackle the malls by herself with Kaylkani, and tonight we'll try and do the rest by Amazon. Maybe we won't have to make a dreaded trip to the mall the Sunday before Christmas. But if we do, at least now we know what we're up against. For some reason, I'm not sure that makes things any better...but at least it feels like Christmas. And when it comes down to it, its still the best Christmas ever.

Walker, Toddler Baby

Remember last week when we got all excited that Kaylani walked 10 steps on her own? Well forget that! Now, she's walking 10 blocks on her own! Okay, maybe not 10 blocks yet, but she did take a nice stroll around the house last night. The pure excitement on her face when she walks is priceless. Sure it's a little nervewracking watching her walk near walls, corners, and bear traps, but it's still a pretty amazing thing to see her up on all 2's finally.

I've got to head to work now so it's up to Mommy to keep our new walking baby out of trouble today. For the rest of you, just sit back and relax and check out Kaylani's first walking video! And if you have a second, feel free to shoot Mommy your condolences as her life just got a bit more active with Kaylani!

The Kaylani Show

Years ago, I used to wake up and immediately turn on the TV. Most of the times it was Sportscenter, but sometimes it was the news (lie), Saved By The Bell, or some other show that I should probably be ashamed of watching. Luckily, TV time in the morning has all but disappeared so I have nothing to be ashamed of. However, its been replaced by a 7" video monitor.

I've written a few times about how much we love our video monitor. It let's us know Kaylani is sleeping, or standing, or screaming just to scream instead of thinking something is wrong with her. But best of all, it let's me see her for a few minutes before I head off to work. Since Kaylani is sleeping anywhere from 11-13 hours at night, it means that my glimpse of her in the morning is usually of her sleeping, which is better than nothing at all. And on some days, like today, I get a real treat.

This morning, she started making noise around 7:20am. I was just about to hop in the shower when I heard her talking (to herself, her monkey, her dolls on the wall, or maybe her blanket). 10 minutes later, she was still talking. Not crying, not fussing, but just talking. Sitting in her crib, holding her blanket, and talking. Every few minutes she would stand up and look around. Then she'd sit down, rub her eyes, and lay back down...talking the whole time. Sometimes there would be a moment of silence and I'd think she was sleeping. But then she'd pop up and do it all over again.

Right now, she's standing up and holding her monkey over the edge and making monkey noises. I'm sure she's saying "come get me or I'll drop the monkey...and don't think I won't do it!" I've still got a little bit before I have to leave for work, so who am I to let the monkey drop. Time to catch the live version of the Kaylani show.

You're cut off

Tonight was the night. For the first time in 13 months and 3 days, Kaylani has been cut off officially. Tonight, Kaylani went to bed without nursing. Last week, she went to bed without nursing, but that was more like passing out. Tonight, she "voluntarily" went to bed without nursing. And I had front row seats to see it all unfold.

The plan involved Mommy being out of the house for the entire bedtime routine. The thought behind this was that if Kaylani even saw her at any point, she'd freak out...more so. So after dinner, Mommy said good night as Kaylani and I went upstairs for bath time. To make sure she was nowhere close, she left completely to get some holiday shopping down around town. That meant it was just Daddy and Kaylani in the house at bedtime. Woah.

I had no idea what to expect besides a lot of crying. This was all new for all 3 of us, so the only thing we anticipated was a lot of crying. Bath time went well with only a little crying (but that was because she slipped in the tub and splashed water on her face). Getting dressed went by without any crying. We even got through Goodnight Gorilla and Hush Little Polar Bear without any crying. But when it was time to flick off the lights and close the door, with no Mommy in sight, Kaylani knew something was up.

When the lights went on, the tears and crying started. She wiggled, she squirmed, and did everything she could to get down so she could open the door and look for Mommy. She screamed louder in case Mommy was still somewhere within the neighborhood and could hear her. She pushed herself sideways in my arms to see if that was an easier way out. She even did the hands and arms over the head trick to see if she could slide out. But I had a good grip on her and was determined to get her sleepy in my arms.

After 10 minutes of swaying, bouncing, walking, and singing songs that I was making up on the spot ("good night sweetheart well its time to sleep. lay down your head and don't make a peep. Close your eyes and drift away. Tomorrow will be time to play"), she started rubbing her eyes more frequently and screaming a little bit less. As I got closer to the crib, she pushed away from me which meant it was time to put her down. This is where the nerves kicked in. Was she going to scream and cry for hours? Would sleep training work? Was it mean? Should I just give up and pick her up again? All questions that I didn't have the answer to.

After her standing up and me kissing her and laying her back down 5 times, I decided it was time to leave the room. After a check-in with Mommy to give her the update, I went back in after 5 minutes to comfort Kaylani a little bit. Fortunately she was still laying down (which was a good sign). After a few "shhhs" and a few rubs of her belly (which she pushed my hand away from...another good sign), I kissed her on the forehead and left the room again. The next 6 minutes were agonizing as I stared at the monitor and listened to her cry while pulling at her ears...but still laying down. And then it happened. At 7 minutes. Silence.

She was quiet. She was laying on her side, with both arms on her left ear, but she was quiet. At the next "check-in" 3 minutes later, I didn't even go in because she was definitely asleep. Hands still on her ear, but definitely asleep. That was it. I survived. No, WE survived. And after texting Mommy to let her know, she responded with "I can breathe again!" Truer words were never spoken.

So night one of no nursing went relatively well. 13 minutes of crying in her crib plus 10 in my arm before that? Not too bad. Could've been a lot worse. Funny enough, yesterday she cried for 35+ minutes...and that was just a normal bedtime WITH nursing. Maybe this whole non-nursing thing isn't going to be so bad. In fact, I'm thinking it's going to be a real good thing. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. We'll see how the rest of the weekend goes first.

And speaking of the weekend, for the first time in a LONG time, happy Fatherhood Friday! Don't forget to check out the other posts at Dad-Blogs. Even though I haven't written for them in a long time, they're still there going strong and doing great, so head on over! That's where I'm going now too.

Holy Cow(seat)!

At Kaylani's 1 year doctor appointment, she weighed in at a whopping 17lbs (2nd percentile) and 29". While she's technically underweight, she's completely healthy. Other than recommending we try to fatten her up a bit with yogurt, lard, and butter soaked yogurt with lard (kidding), they said she was fine and to keep doing what we're doing since she actually eats a lot. Both Mommy and me were (and still are...kinda) both "skinny", so its possible she just picked up our metabolism. While not a bad thing, it does mean that we didn't get the green light to flip her around in her carseat yet.

Kaylani actually doesn't mind facing backwards. She goes in alright, stares at us through her jungle mirror, plays with her toys (or shoes and socks), and looks out the window. She even falls asleep just fine still when we drive her around. The only problem is that she was getting too long for her infant carseat, which meant her legs were pushing up against the seat. Since we had already bought her convertible carseat, we figured we'd at least install that, even if it was backwards.

We bought a Britax Marathon carseat in none other than the Cowmooflage pattern. It installed just fine, with the super convenient latch system. It's definitely bigger than her old one, but Kaylani seems to like this one too. But for us, there are 2 main problems. First problem is that there's no longer a shade over her head. Since it sits up straighter, that also means that light can get in from both sides. And with a shade only on her window, she gets blinded whenever the sun is on her left. I'm thinking we need to buy another shade, because its getting difficult to find routes where the sun doesn't shine on the left side.

The other problem is that the cowseat is anchored into the car. Gone are the days of having her pass out on the way home from somewhere and easily transferring her into the house in her carseat. Instead, we play a game of chance to see if she'll stay asleep when we pick her up. And like gambling, or the lottery, our luck (and our chances) aren't good.

The cowseat says we shouldn't turn her around to face forward until she hits 20lbs. At the pace Kaylani's going, we'll be able to turn her around when she turns 2, if not a little later. Maybe she fattened up a little bit while we were at Disney (I know I did) and we'll be able to turn her around sooner. It's supposed to make a big difference for her since she'll actually be able to see where we're going. But since backwards facing car seats are safer for her, she'll just have to deal for now. And if she doesn't like it, well then she better start gulping down her butter soaked yogurt with lard. At least, that's what my advice would be.