I Loved Her First

I got in my car after a long day at work today and the first thing I heard was the beginning of "I Loved Her First" by Heartland and a woman thanking the station for playing it since she was getting married this weekend. It instantly wiped away any lingering thoughts I had about my long day, and put me in a different place for the first 4 minutes of my drive. For those of you who don't know, that's the song that I've already designated as the Father-Daughter dance song at Kaylani's wedding.

I've been reluctant to think of Kaylani in the future because time is already going by so quickly, but it does happens occasionally. Sometimes Mommy and Daddy will talk briefly about what she'll be like as a toddler, or Daddy will make a remark about how Kaylani won't date until she's 30, but it doesn't come up often since we think 6 months is far away, let alone 6, 16, or 26 years. But when that song was playing over the radio, I really connected with it today. It was probably because the song talks about those moments felt at the very beginning, and that's something that's so fresh in my mind right now (and hopefully forever). So for a 4 minute period tonight, Daddy allowed himself to think of Kaylani getting married and it made me a little sad to be honest.

I wasn't sad that Kaylani was getting married because I do hope that she does to someone that loves her as much as I love Mommy. I was more sad that I'd be losing my little girl to someone else. Sure it's selfish to think that way, but you can't really blame me because she's only 3.5 months old now. Now when she's much older and I'm still thinking selfishly, then you can blame me. But for now, it's my little girl that I'll be losing.

I'm sure every parent wishes the best future for their children, and I know I'll be just like every other parent in that regard. But I just can't imagine what I'll be feeling whenever that day comes. I can't even imagine what it will be like when Kaylani can roll over from her back to her belly, or sit up, crawl, or even walk, and those things all will likely happen within 1 year!

Anyways, I'm sure I'll post again sometime about how I'm deathly afraid of what's going to happen when Kaylani is a toddler, or worse, a teenager, but for now, I'm not going to think anymore about Kaylani getting married. It's way too soon and I'm being a bit ridiculous. But to end this post, here's the chorus (and video) of "I Loved Her First" that put me in this mindset to begin with:

I loved her first

I held her first

And a place in my heart

Will always be hers

From the first breath she breathed

When she first smiled at me

I knew the love of a father runs deep

And I prayed that she'd find you someday

But it's still hard to give her away

I loved her first